Archive for July, 2008

Guitar Player Sucks At Guitar Hero

July 21, 2008

(New York) Local musician Eric Krane has been playing guitar all his life, yet cannot make it through the easiest levels of the popular video game Guitar Hero.

“Shit, why can’t I do this,” Krane groused as he fumbled with the fret buttons, trying to strum along to Deep Purple’s Smoke On The Water. “I studied classical guitar technique in music school and I play in a freaking band. Christ, I taught myself to play this song when I was seven!”

Krane’s twelve-year-old nephew Steven who plays the game in expert mode, believes his Uncle can stop sucking if he totally practices more.

Imaginary Girlfriend Dumped

July 15, 2008

(New York) Vanessa, the imaginary girlfriend of midtown resident Tim Rogers was devastated to learn that she had been dumped over the weekend; replaced by Christine Moore, a real flesh and blood woman Rogers met through friends.

“I cannot believe this has happened,” said the figment of Tim’s imagination who has been with him since his last breakup. “I should have known he was pulling away from me when he started conversing with real girls at bars instead of sitting in a corner talking to me.”

Though reomorseful, Rogers was very straightforward about his decision to end things with Venessa, a sexy brunette who looks like a combination of Victoria’s Secret model Adriana Lima and that hot chick from the Transformers movie.

“Vanessa was a great fantasy girl,” Rogers said as he prepared for his date with Christine. “But I’m looking for a woman who has thoughts other than my own and wears something other than a schoolgirl outfit. Plus, it’s so much easier to have a conversation with Christine since I don’t have to do both voices.”

Vanessa sadly packed up her imaginary belongings and quietly moved to the back of Roger’s subconscious mind early Tuesday morning, where she will share a small space with Roger’s imaginary childhood friend Toby and that incident at Summer camp in 1982 that is just waiting to escape.